Once upon a time, I tried very hard to write every single day.  Know how long that lasted?  Good, you don't need to.  Needless to say, it wasn't long.  I get distracted.  Or sidetracked.  Or anti-social.  Whatever the reason, I abandoned the blog for a while.  And while I have deleted those old posts to make room for the new (hopefully), I've posted a few of them here for posterity.  Or for laughs.  Whichever.

Contained on this page:

Why yes, I AM crazy! originally posted on December 29, 2011
Goodbye 2011.  Hello Possibility.  originally posted on December 31, 2011
Hunting Down Happiness originally posted on January 4, 2012
Synchronicity in the Strangest Places  originally posted on January 5, 2012
Conversations in the Land of Madness originally posted on January 11, 2012
8 Months and Counting originally posted on January 7, 2012
I refuse. originally posted on January 21, 2012
This is the moment. originally posted on March 12, 2012
Welcome to Neverland. originally posted on April 28, 2012


Why yes, I AM crazy!

Welcome to my insanity -- where the craziness doesn't just happen, it's planned everyday!

Yep, here I am, starting a new project.  I needed a new one.  I mean, there's no way I have enough.  Four websites, a book heading to print, a novel in the works, a magazine to write for, three kids to homeschool, a husband to take care of (trust me, he needs it), a handmade jewelry business, and and and.  Ah hell, I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

But that's just me.  It's who I am.  And that is what this blog is all about.  This is my place to dump it all out, sort though it, and pick out what's worth keeping.  It may be madness, but in it, I find my sanity.

I've been thinking about this blog for a long time.  I even started it once.  About two years ago.  But it never seemed to work for me.  Maybe it just wasn't time.  Maybe it was just sitting about, waiting until I got to the point where I needed it again.

I need it again.

I have a lot of websites.  There's one for my writing and professional type stuff.  There's another for our homeschool adventures.  There's one for my jewelry and one for my metaphysical side (both still in the planning stages).  But I didn't have a place to just ramble.  About life, opinions, the endless stream of chatter that is constantly floating through my mind.  Now there is.  And you've stumbled across it.  Lucky you!

I have no idea where this blog will go.  It may just linger in cyber space, alone and mistreated, for all of internet eternity.  Or not.  I'm not a professional blogger.  I don't sit at my computer all day looking for quirky things to write about.  I have a life.  I have kids.  What I don't have is that kind of time.  But maybe I can sit down for a few minutes everyday and just write ... something.  Who knows what it will be?  Certainly not me.  It will be a surprise for all of us.  And everyone loves a surprise, right?


Goodbye 2011.  Hello Possibility.

Another year is drawing to a close.  I swear, the older I get, the faster the days pass by.  I guess that means I need to pick up the pace a bit!  But first, a moment to reflect on the year -- memories made, lessons learned, and moments that changed my life forever.

It's been a crazy year for my family.  DJ switched jobs in March, and I gotta admit that I was terrified of it.  I'm not a fan of messing up a good thing.  But, call me old-fashioned, I'm always going to stand by my husband (as long as he's not doing something really stupid ... or really illegal).  So he swapped jobs, and it has been amazing!  Lesson learned -- sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and take a risk.  Since then we've managed to buy a new car (which we were in desperate need of), take our first family vacation, and get some stuff done that we'd been putting off for far too long.  We even managed to go on a few dates this year!  Woo!  DJ also got the chance to go back to school and finished his first semester a proud member of the Dean's List.  A point to remember -- it's never too late to be what you might have been.

Around the time DJ swapped jobs, I began my love affair with Reiki.  Don't know what that is?  You have no idea what you're missing!  Reiki is an amazing Japanese technique for relaxation that promotes healing.  Well, that's the textbook answer anyway.  But Reiki is so much more than that!  And if you hang around this blog long enough, you're bound to learn more about it along the way.  I began the year only having a very basic understanding of it, and ended the year a fully certified Reiki Master.  Truly a moment that changed my life.

And of course, there are so many memories.  Like watching the kids play in the ocean for the first time.  Or seeing the amazement on Andrew's face as the USS Alabama came into view.  Playing at the park, field trips, funny conversations, zombies, the zoo, crazy ideas, and laughter ... it's been a fun year.

So, to 2011, I say thank you.  Thank you for bringing so many incredible moments and people in to my life.  Thank you for giving me another year with my parents and my granny.  Thank you for new friends and reconnections with old ones.  Thank you for being a pivotal moment in the grand scheme of my life.

And to 2012, I say get ready.  I've got big plans, and bigger dreams.  And this is my year.  This is your year.  Let's make it one for the history books.  Let this year be the one we tell our great-grandkids about.  When we're sitting here a year from now, let us be able to look back and say "damn, that was awesome".  It's time.  Time to let go of the past, burn it to the ground, and let a new era rise from the ashes.  

Happy New Year.


Hunting Down Happiness

Typically, I really enjoy the various means of social networking that are so readily available (and often jammed down our throats whether we like it or not).  I keep up with a lot of old friends online, and some of my very best friends I met online.  With Facebook, not only can I congratulate them on their new baby, console them over the loss of a family member, or just chat about old times, I can also see every little detail about their life.  And there are some who share plenty of details.

Some people get irritated by the little things that others post.  Me, personally, I don't care.  It's their space to write in, and they have every right to chronicle their every movement if they feel moved to do so.  But there is one kind of post, and man do I see a LOT of them, that always makes me pause.  And often shake my head.

I've come to this conclusion:  there are a lot of profoundly unhappy people in this world.  Quite a few of them are on my friend's list.

Look, everyone has days when it seems like the world is conspiring against them.  I've had days when I was absolutely certain I was being punished for my wrongdoings, your wrongdoings, and pretty much every other wrongdoing ever committed.  I've been so down low that if I could have found a nice deep hole to crawl into, I probably would have.  So this post isn't about the occasional bad day.  It's not even about the occasional bad month.  This post is for everyone that is sitting out there right now waiting on happiness to find them.  And it is to those people that I say this:

Stop waiting for happiness.  Get up, get out, and HUNT IT DOWN.  Be ruthless.  Work at it like your life depends on it.  Get out your magnifying glass and take a deep, long look at the one thing holding you back -- YOU.

That's right, I said it.  YOU are the reason, the root, of your own unhappiness.  Truth hurts, doesn't it?  But let's break this down a bit into smaller, more easily digestible bites.

The only person that has the power to make you miserable, is you.  Because you control the way you react to every situation, every moment, that is thrown your way.  Had an argument with your spouse?  How do you react?  Do you get mad, sulk, and feel sorry for yourself?  Or do you take a step back and try to see where the real problem lies?  Do you work to fix it or do you expect it to be done for you?  I'm not saying that you shouldn't get mad.  But it shouldn't last, and it definitely shouldn't be the emotion you build your life upon.

Luckily, there's a pretty simple step that you can take RIGHT NOW that will ultimately lead you to the life you long for.  Are you ready for it?  Do you have what it takes?  Want to know what it is?

Take back your power.

Inside you, right this very moment, is everything you will ever need.  You were crafted out of a multitude of beautiful elements -- love, courage, kindness, empathy, and strength.  All of it is already there.  You just have to look for it.  Because for most of us, we've buried it all pretty deep inside.  Some of us haven't seen our own power in years, maybe decades.  I speak from experience.  And if it's buried that deep, don't expect to dig it all up in one night.  But you can start removing a handful of dirt at a time until you reach the treasure.  But you are the only one that can do it.  You cannot wait on happiness.  You must be willing to hunt it down.  You must be willing to make the difficult decisions and to rid yourself of everything and everyone that is holding you back.  Fix what needs fixed.  Throw away what can't.  Take back your power and create the life you dream of.  Take a risk.  One step on this path will lead to another.  And another.  And another.  And in time, you'll look back on your life at this moment with reverence and pride.  And you will be happy.

Again, I say that I'm not in anyway saying that each and every day will be pink and rosy.  Let's be realistic, life doesn't work that way.  Bad crap happens, and usually at the worst time possible (although I doubt there is ever a good time for it).  It's perfectly acceptable to get mad, sad, irritated, irked, melancholy, and mopey.  Feel the emotion.  Let it flow through you and purge you of the bad.  And then, let it go.  And no matter what, never EVER stop moving forward.

A lot of people say that life is too short to be unhappy.  And that's definitely a good way to look at things.  But think about it this way for just a moment --

The average life span in the United States today is around 80 years.  And 80 years is far, far too long to be miserable.


Synchronicity in the Strangest Places

Synchronicity.  I really like that word, although I usually need help from the magic red line to help me spell it correctly.  Thankfully, the concept is easier than the spelling.  Synchronicity is all about those little things that in the moment seem random and meaningless, but then later turn in to something very profound.  Have you experienced it?  I just did.  And it came in the weirdest, although not the most surprising, way.

Yep, it was on Facebook.

Granted, this isn't the first crazy moment I've had on Facebook.  A while back, I had a reading done by angel-intuitive and author, Chantel Lysette (I'll save the details for another day).  One of the coolest parts of Chantel's readings are the signs she provides ... little things to look for that provide validation that what she's channeled from the angels is correct.  My reading was a bit on the happy hippie side (okay, it was waaaay on the happy hippy side).  And fittingly enough, one of my signs to watch for was the song "So Happy Together".  A few weeks later, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, and what did I behold?  That's right, the very song.  A friend had posted it. A friend that had no idea about the reading or what had been revealed during it.  So Facebook and I have a bit of a history with weird, yet profound, moments.

Tonight, it got me again.

I noticed that a friend had posted one of those silly "Facebook Challenges".  You know the ones I'm sure.  You're supposed to look up some random fact and post it.  Usually it's something like "Google your name, and post the first link that pops up."  Something like that.  Tonight it was to look up the #1 song from the day you were born and link to a Youtube video of the song.  

I almost skipped right over it.

Thankfully, curiosity got the best of me.  I'm almost positive there was some divine intervention in there too.

So, what was my song?  "Magic" by Olivia Netwon-John.

I'll admit it, she's not my cup-of-tea as the saying goes.  Loved her in Grease, but that's about as far as it goes.  But a song called "Magic"?  That was just too weird, especially since such a huge part of my life revolves around the metaphysical.  Then, I looked up the lyrics.

Are you kidding me?

Every single verse held ten blogs worth of meaning to me.  It's like the entire song had been written just for me.  I was absolutely astonished.  And that doesn't happen often.

Remember my resolution about listening to myself?  I get a gold star for this one.  I felt it was meaningful, took a chance on something that I rarely ever do, and found myself staring at beautiful synchronicity.  Go me.

There's a good lesson in all this babbling.  And this is it -- listen to the Universe.  Listen to that quiet voice in your heart.  Trust your instincts.  You never know where they'll lead you.  That silly song may mean nothing to you, but for me, it's validation in the most concrete of forms.  Keep your eyes open.  And take a moment every day to listen to yourself.  It's not easy in a world filled with chaos and noise, but if you can find that voice, magic really can happen.


Conversations in the Land of Madness

My kids and I have some really ... interesting ... conversations.  Mostly they are completely random, and often accompanied by bad foreign accents.  But we laugh.  A lot.  So I thought I'd share with you just a bit of a typical conversation in our house ...

Madison:  So, Mike finally sold his Wii.  But first he deleted all of his Miis.  He called it the Mii-apocalypse.
Me:  That's pretty funny.
Me:  He should have left one on there, and made it look really sad.
Madison:  He should have!  He could have named it "I'm all alone".
Me:  Or "I'm the only one left.  Oh gods, it was horrible!  Why was I spared?"
Madison:  (laughing)  That's perfect!

See, totally random.  Kinda like our German conversation just the other day.

Madison:  I don't like the German language.  They always sound angry.
Me:  You say that now, but just wait until you grow up and fall in love with a German man.
Madison:  Oh, that'd be terrible.
Me:  I can hear it now -- "This is my husband Heinrich and our kids Hansel and Gretel."
Madison:  Hansel and Gretel?
Me:  Shut up, I couldn't think of any other German sounding names.
Madison:  (dying of laughter)  That's fantastic.

And yes, that entire conversation was in a terrible German accent.  Because we're cool like that.

I doubt it's nearly as funny as it was in the moment.  But that doesn't matter.  Cause we had a hell of a good time just being silly.  And that's an everyday thing here.  Sometimes, it's an all day thing too.  I don't know what I'd do without those crazy kids.  And thank the universe, they're as weird as I am.


8 Months and Counting

 For those of us in the state of Alabama, one April day will forever be seared into our collective consciousness.  The massive destruction that took place here on April 27th left deep scars -- on the land and the people that lived through it.

I have to admit, it was probably the single most terrifying moment of my life.  Quite literally, all around us, complete towns lay in shambles.  Family members were unaccounted for.  Life took one tremendous turn in the blink of an eye.

By the time our tiny little town was hit, communications were all but completely gone.  Power had been out for hours.  The local radio station was out.  The only phone communications still working was text, and it was very difficult to get a message in or out.

It was in that moment, that time stood still.  In the distance, a noise arose.  It was like nothing I'd ever heard before, beyond anything that I could describe to you now.  And it struck a deep, primal fear inside of me that I have never experienced before.  As my husband tried desperately to spot the twister above the ocean of trees that surround our home, I began tossing things out of the only interior closet in our house.  All I could think of was saving my kids.  NOTHING else mattered.

And there they were, huddled into the living room just outside my bedroom door.  Madison clutched our little dog in her arms so tightly she would have probably yelped if she hadn't been so scared.  Pure terror was what I saw in their eyes.  And I'm certain they saw the same in mine, magnified a million times as only a mother's can be.

The tornado that sat down in our town was a tiny one compared to the F5 that destroyed my husband's hometown, just a few miles down the road.  It hit about six miles from our home and left many families homeless.  Thankfully, at least here, no lives were lost.  Elsewhere, things were much bleaker.

It's been just over eight months since then.  Towns have begun to rebuild.  Families have begun to heal.  But the scars remain.

Today, there were storms again.  Nothing major, just rain, thunder, and a tiny bit of hail.  As I listened to my kids talk, I realized just how deeply that day had affected them.  They talked about it all day among hopes and prayers that today's storms didn't turn into the nightmares they knew too well.  Like me, it was a day they'll never forget.  And like any mom, I reassure them that it's just another storm.  However long I live, I hope they are all just another storm.  I hope that overwhelming fear fades into the distance.  One thing I'll never forget was the lessons learned on that day.  Living in the deep south, tornadoes are a way of life.  They come every year.  And a lot of us, actually I say most of us, were far too comfortable with it.  And Mother Nature has a way of reminding us who is in charge.  I won't be caught unprepared again.  I'll never take our safety for granted again.  And there's not a day that will ever pass -- whether sunny and beautiful, or straight from hell -- that I will forget to be thankful that on that terrifying day in April, we were spared.  Our home stood, and my children were safe.  Changed perhaps, but my children were safe.


I refuse.

Today was one of THOSE days.  You know the ones.  The days you wonder why in the hell you even bothered getting out of bed?  The kind of day where you just want to go to sleep and not wake up until the drama is over. You know those days?  Multiply that by ten.  Welcome to my world.

I won't go in to details here, since the irritating matter at hand is a personal family issue.  And I'm not one to air out my dirty laundry in public.  I mean, I'll tell you guys a lot.  But even I have boundaries.  So just suffice it to say that this is a monumental problem.  And to make it even better, it's a recurring problem.

My first reaction -- bitter, cold anger.  I was at Pissed Off Level 45 in 0.2 seconds.  That's where my anger ignites this cold flame deep within my core.  I don't yell.  I don't rant.  I get very, very calm.

For future reference, if you ever encounter me in Pissed Off Level 45RUN.  It doesn't happen often, but it can be an ugly experience.

Yeah, even I have those moments.

But, that's okay.  Cause anger is never the problem.  Anger is perfectly acceptable in a number of situations.  It's what you do with the anger that matters.

So here's the deal.  There is absolutely nothing I can do now to avert this situation.  What's done is done.  Unfortunately, I have not found the reboot sequence for life.  Nor a rewind button.  Not even a respawn spot (showing my video gaming nerdiness there).  Life moves in one direction.  Forward.  You either move with it, or you get swept along by it.

And I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to allow anyone or anything to direct my life.  I am in control.  Me.  Not this situation.  Not the person trying to cause problems.  ME.

So, what's next?  I'm going to do what I do best.  I'm going to take control and FIX IT.  Yep, that's right.  This is MY year, remember?  And by December, this is going to be just a tiny bump in the road to excellence.  I guarantee it.

The last time this situation arose, I really let it eat me up.  Truth be told, I wasn't in the best place within myself.  I had no outlet at all for the anger and the hurt and the worry.  The result was several months spent in bed with massive migraines.  I actually allowed the problem to rob me of valuable living time.  I will not do that twice.  Whatever will happen, I will face it.  I will meet it head on, and damn it, I will win.  


This is the moment.

I've been lying in bed for the last three hours or so, trying in vain to fall asleep.  I knew it was pointless, but I kept lying there anyway.  On nights like this, there's only one thing I can do.  Get up and write.  Otherwise, I'll just spend the entire night, staring at the ceiling with far too many thoughts in my head to be healthy.  So, here I am, giving in to the impulse.

Tonight I did something, that against my better judgement, I do quite often.  I read a few news articles.  Doesn't sound that bad, right?  But then, completely against common sense and reason, I read some of the comments left on those news articles.

Why do I torment myself like that?

Let's face it, the majority of people that leave comments on news stories are the kind of people you'd never bother holding a conversation with in real life.  In fact, I'd be willing to bet that you'd go to great lengths to avoid even the most mundane discussion with these people.  Hateful, negative, insanely ignorant -- those seem to be the hallmarks of the most prolific commenters.  Granted, I've ran across a few very well thought-out comments before.  But they're about as rare as raindrops in the Sahara.

So tonight, I was reading a couple of particularly heinous articles.  I must be a masochist.  On some level, I must love to read stories that absolutely horrify me.  Why else would I bother?  Why else would I willingly subject myself to the atrocities that plague our world?

I honestly don't know.

But as I was reading, I was struck with a horrible thought.  And it wasn't the first time I've had this particular thing pop into my mind before.

What the hell is the point?

Really, let's look at some stuff going on around our little planet right now.  In Iraq, people are being beaten to death with concrete blocks for being gay or "emo".  A former NASA worker is suing the company, claiming that his beliefs in intelligent design cost him his job.  Countries are in the midst or unrest and outright war.  Children are starving, not just in countries most of us couldn't point out on a map, but right here in our own backyards.  Other kids are being treated so cruelly by their peers, that they simply decide that it isn't worth suffering anymore.  Everywhere, people kill for no other reason except that the other person held a different belief, worshiped a different god, or lived outside the "norm".

Why, amid all of this nightmarish hell, should any of us have hope in humanity?  Why shouldn't we all be praying to whatever gods or aliens might be listening that this really be the last year that we homo sapiens plague this planet?  Why shouldn't I run to the deepest cave with my children, forsaking the rest of this miserable race?

Because, damn it, that's just too easy.

It's too easy to hate blindly.  It's too easy to see all the evil that runs rampant and screams at the top of its lungs.  It's too easy to be disgusted by the people who find justification in their evil actions.  It is too easy to lose all faith.

And let's face it, easy has never been my way of doing things.

It's hard to look beyond our differences, to see that we are all connected within the tribe of humanity.  It's hard to look into our own hearts and recognize the blackness.  It's hard to love the person that denies your inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  It's hard not to worry what will happen if a bunch of overpaid, out-of-touch politicians can't see the bigger picture long enough to save our floundering country.  Life is hard.

And frankly, I just don't understand so very much of it.  I could not care less what you personally believe in.  Whether you believe that God or ET put us here, I don't care.  If you worship a religion that is as old as the earth or as new as yesterday, I don't care.  If your only dogma comes from a scientific study, I don't care.  As a breathing, thinking creature of this earth, you have the right to believe whatever feels right to you.  I don't have to agree with you.  And chances are, I probably won't.  But I won't take away your right to believe it.  Or to speak it.  Or to share it with others without fear of harm.  In fact, I'll stand right beside you and defend your right to do just that.  The details really don't matter.

I also don't care who you fall in love with (as long as you're both adults).  I don't care who you want to marry.  I don't care what sex they are, what color, what religion, what anything.  If you love him/her and are loved in return, what business is it of mine?  Your happiness is your own.  Mine doesn't depend on yours.  And yours shouldn't depend on my opinion.  Every person on this planet has the right to love in the way that feels right to them.

I just don't get it.

I don't understand how a race, more numerous now than at any other time in our history, can be so blatantly alone.  Why is it that we can shut down, close it out, ignore the fact that when you strip away the pretenses of civilization, we are all the same.  Your heart beats the same way mine does.  Your blood pumps the same way.  Your brain works the same way.  You are me.  And I am you.  And no matter what, no matter how much some of us may not like it, we're all stuck here together.  We have a choice to make as a species.  Will we live together or will we die together?  Those are the only options.  It's time to put aside our egos and emerge from the haze of fear that we've become trapped in.  We don't have to agree with each other.  We simply have to agree that no life is worth more than any other.  That no belief is worth more than another.  That each has its own worth and place in this world.  And that we will no longer stand idly by and watch our brothers and sisters be destroyed by ignorance, intolerance, and injustice.

I really don't know why, but I still believe in the goodness of mankind.  Maybe I have to just to get through these times when my thoughts are dark and the shadow of doom is upon me.  Maybe it's because I look into the eyes of my children and see nothing but love.  I just don't know.  But I do know this -- courage and love still exist in this world.  And they always will.  We just have to work for it.  We just have to be willing to work hard for it.  This is the moment mankind.  Will we become a footnote in the history of the universe, reduced to nothing but a squabbling mess of forgotten lives?  Or will we band together and lead our species into a tomorrow that none of us can even dream of today?

Einstein said it best.
"The fate of the world will be such as the world deserves." 


Welcome to Neverland.

It's been a while since I've posted.  Apologies.  Much has happened, but none of which I care to bore you with at the moment.  Maybe later.  No, right now, something specific is on my mind.

Under normal circumstances ... well, as normal as things ever are for me ... I'm a fairly serious person.  You won't catch me acting goofy in public or doing things that attract attention.  I'm typically focused inward, pondering and questioning and creating worlds in my own mind.  That's probably why some people find me hard to approach.  I carry a certain unintentional coldness that intimidates some people.  But really, that's just one of the many layers of my madness.  And if you hang around long enough, you'll discover another side of me.  It's the brighter side, the fun side, and the side that absolutely refuses to grow up.

That's right.  Never.  Ever.  
Peter Pan is my idol.  
No growing up here in Neverland.  

Don't get me wrong here.  I'm a responsible adult.  I love my husband.  I take care of my kids.  I speak to or see my parents and granny every single day.  I will help anyone that needs it.  I pay my bills (well, when I have the money), and I take care of my own.  Always.  And I know a lot of other really good people that do the same.

But let's be frank here -- we're friends, right? -- a lot of those folks are just plain boring.

I said it.  B-O-R-I-N-G.

And it isn't their fault at all.  Nope, I blame society.  Once you become an adult, society expects you to give up childlike tendencies and replace them with proper adult behavior.

I say to hell with that!

Let's get one thing straight.  I've worked damn hard over the last several years to reconnect with my inner child.  I'd lost her in the thick of being a proper adult, and she wasn't easy to find.  She was buried under years of repressed emotions and tedious days.  But I did find her.  She was battered, but she's a fighter.  And with her help, everything changed.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being an adult and acting like one.  Indeed, it has its proper place in life.  And more people ought to try it.  I'm not addressing those "adults" out there that don't take care of their responsibilities.  I'm talking to the ones that have forgotten what it's like to stand in childlike awe at the world.  I'm talking to those that no longer see the magic of life and of living.  I'm talking to those that are tired and weary and don't know why.

Time to wake up my brothers and sisters.  Open your eyes and look at the world like it's brand new.  Remember what it was like to be a child lost in imagination and wonder.  Look up toward the sky and search for faces in the clouds.  Put a blanket on the ground and lie beneath the stars.  The world is an amazing place.  Sure, it has its flaws.  It can even be a dark and scary place.  But still, there is beauty.  There is light.  There is mystery.  You don't have to lose that.  You only have to remember to look.  Life isn't happening on your smartphone.  It isn't happening in worry.  It's happening all around you.  Are you alive?  Or are you simply living?

As for me, I won't make any apologies for being a little weird.  I will continue to listen to my music too loud. I'll keep reading manga and fangirling over my favorite bands.  I'll laugh often and loud.  I'll be silly with my kids and always look for faces in the clouds.  I'll start a million projects all at once while the desire is burning, and I'll finish each and every one of them when it's time.  I will live my life in the way that makes me happy, fulfilled, and vibrant.  I will look up in the stars and imagine that somewhere, someone is looking back at me.  I'll stand at the edge of the ocean and ponder the depths of oblivion.  I'll pick flowers, skip stones, and splash in puddles.  This is my life.  I will live it loud.  I will live it happy.  I will live it as me and no one else.